City Girl Seeks Condo... I Think

I always feel a bit overwhelmed this time of year.  I'm not sure why.  My thoughts are crowded with a floating checklist of things to do, places to go, people to see.  I can't seem to find solid ground.  Of course, it is partly my fault.  I am guilty of allowing the elements around me to take over.

My family surrounded me on Thanksgiving and somehow talked me into starting a search for a condo.  It sounded fun at first, so I looked around last Saturday with my aunt (my agent) and my friend Heidi who played the role of consultant.  After viewing six condos in various neighborhoods, I found a place that I could call my own.  Admittedly, it was an enjoyable albeit slightly stressful experience.  My aunt and Heidi spent significant time reassuring me that I can afford to buy.  You're making good money...  You're a nurse, so you have job security...  I liked the idea of planting some solid roots in Chicago, having a real home, and the additional bonus of not having to answer to my Deadhead landlord.  I was sold.  At least for that day.

This week has been where reality set in.  Over the last several days, I have been working on my pre-approval, gathering my W-2's, last two paystubs, blah, blah, blah.  This is when doubt and panic reared its ugly head.  If you know me at all, I am easily overwhelmed by numbers --- specifically related to my money.  My approach to high price tag items is like taming a wild dog.  I am on my hands and knees, staying low, approaching slow, and hoping that I don't get ripped to shreds.

Honestly, I don't know where I get this from.  I grew up the daughter of a doctor, surrounded by others who had a more than comfortable lifestyle.  Somewhere along the lines I was instilled with either a conservative approach toward money or a fear of losing everything I have.  It really doesn't take much for me to be happy.  Most high ticket items, with the exception of travel, give me a quick buzz, but nothing that sustains me.

I went into a panic yesterday when my aunt reviewed my payment options which would affect how much I dish out every month.

Aaaaccccckkkk!!!  Can I afford it?  I just put all this money into going to the Olympics next year in London.  Am I going to be house poor?  What should I do?

The thought of tackling the hurdle of first time home ownership is daunting.  My stubborn independent side applies pressure to make a decision alone.  I have to remind myself my parents are by my side, ready and willing to help as they always are.

Today I'll be hanging out with them.  Perhaps I will be able to breathe easier after my parents and I sit down and talk.

On another note, out of this experience, an interesting question emerged...

Why is it so hard for me to ask others for help?  Why do I have a difficult time showing my loved ones that I NEED them?

We all need each other, yet sometimes we insist that we stand on our own, a solitary structure.  The truth is, it not only takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village for all of us to survive.